I found this particulary good write-up in The Economic Times of 3rd March, 2007 by Vithal C. Nadkarni on Optimism. Here I re-type the whole matter, as I could feel a strange but sure resonance with my experiences and convictions.
Teach yourself to be Optimistic
Psychologist Martin Seligman is acclaimed as a high priest of positive psychology. In his earlier avatar in the opposite camp, he probed topics such as symptoms of despair. He made his key discovery about 'learned helplessness' with the help of dogs, not their masters. Repeated exposure to inescapable shock, he found, was 'teaching' dogs that nothing they did would make an iota of difference to their miserable condition. What Seligman was proposing was heresy. He recalls meeting B F Skinner, the legendary proponent of Behaviourism, in a men's room after a lecture, only to be chastised grandly: "Animals don't think anything; they only behave!"
But seligman persisted with the conviction that his animal model could help in explaining the sense of utter helplessness that lies at the core of human depression. Seligman's landmark research also revealed that a small percentage of animals never became passive in the face of adversity. Similarly, in his later studies extended to humans, the psychologists found a corresponding minority of subjects who refused to learn to be helpless. So how does one separate the 'hard-boiled' from those who readily throw in the towel at the first hint of adversity?
The difference, Seligman reasoned, lay in the manner in which people 'explain' or rationalise good and bad events to their lives. Paradoxically, those who cheerfully bounce back from upsets, he said, might have an innately optimistic explanatory style that may even contain elements of 'self-serving' illusions; they might overestimate their abilities of talents while shrugging off responsibility for loses and failures. On the other hand, people prone to despair had a persistently negative style marked by brutal (read self deprecatory) honesty: neither inclined to grandiosity nor seeing themselves as charmed children of destiny, they were 'at the mercy of reality' Seligman argued.
So how does one turn off that cloud of darkness and despair hovering over one's head into a halo of brightness and good cheer? Try the exact opposite of learned helplessness - learned optimism, he said. Teach yourself to be optimistic with a tool that deliberately disputes catastrophic thinking. Bolstering the illusions that make life bearable, he said, was one of the roles of therapy. This was akin to what poetry does by giving us the lie we need to stay alive.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Friday, February 09, 2007
Career Match
Here is an article that I've lifted straight from http://troubledwith.com/Transitions/A000000987.cfm?topic=transitions%3A%20changing%20jobs, which almost satiated the desperate feelings that has been welling up within me, these days.
Copyright © 2003 John Bradley
How do I discover what I'm good at?
I remember a meeting in my office when the visitor, an engineer, looked at me and said, "I'm 45 and I still don't know what I should be when I grow up." Although he attempted to laugh as if it were a joke, I affirmed him. I said that I have heard that very statement from many adults who are finally being honest. This honesty then indicates a readiness to do something significant with one's life before it is too late. Let me briefly comment on this person's dilemma and then give some words of advice. There are two myths that I have found confuse one's ability to make a logical choice regarding one's life work.
First is the illusion that we can set our minds to do just about anything we set our minds to do. This viewpoint unfortunately has crept into most of our schools and universities. It is the positive mental attitude perspective. All we need is motivation, training and education. Surprisingly, this myth does work for a while, especially for young adults. However, somewhere at around 30 35 years of age the hype wears off if there is no intuitive talent to keep the career advancing. Slow promotions, loss of challenge, major mistakes or accidents increase. A job will go from bad to worse if the core duties do not match our innate talents. Natural talents are the heart of career satisfaction and ultimate success; and each of us have enough for more than one career.
A second myth is that one's passion is a result of one's innate aptitudes. I have way too many client files that prove otherwise. I well remember a client who was very motivated to sell stocks and securities. He researched the field thoroughly. He purchased an expensive wardrobe of suits, shoes and shirts. Initially I had warned him that this was a sales type of position and that it didn't appear to best fit his aptitudes. He was not to be deterred. He felt the training he would receive would overcome any of his limitations.
When it came time for him to begin calling brokerage firms to set up job interview appointments, his motivation came to a halt. He wasn't able to get one appointment. His tremendous passion was not able to overcome the lack of sales aptitude even with the telephone call scripting and personal coaching I provided for him. This middle aged man definitely had natural talent strengths, but selling for brokerage firms was not a good fit. His tenacity was to be commended. His wisdom in decision making however, was lacking.
So let's consider some positive action steps.
Step One: Know the difference between your learned skills, your motivation and your innate skills. To really find the ideal career, it should represent something you are motivated to pursue (your interests and your values). Secondly, the ideal career should represent your innate skills, your talents. It is your talents that intuitively will understand the job and seek to grow through intuitive trial and error. Selecting a new career because it fits your education or past work experience (learned skills) will not necessarily provide for a best fit.
Step Two: Know what a good fit looks like. Too many people are out looking for the perfect career, but they don't know what to look for. Begin by identifying a job that you know something about, within a preferred organization (Step One). Ask to meet with someone who is in that position in a preferred organization. My clients have been performing these informational interviews for 25 years with very positive results. Busy people will take their time to meet with you if they sense that you are serious and will listen to their advice. In case this step of sorting out the job position is too difficult, there are aptitude assessments and career-matching services that can help you determine your innate strengths and match these to best career options.
Step Three: The Job Search. It is important to understand that the majority of jobs (80%) are filled before they ever become a posted vacancy on the Internet or in the paper. Most positions are filled by word of mouth, an employee referral or by internal promotions. To be successful in getting hired for that ideal career, seek the coaching of two or three people who are in the position you want. Ask them what they suggest you do. What is the inside track? Even Federal and State government agencies have a "hidden" inside track. Yes, there are professionals who can help you plan and put into action a job search campaign. You can find some in your yellow pages under career guidance services. With all of this information, you have a big head start. The most important concept, however, is to believe that there really is something out there with your name on it. I can testify that my 30 years of helping mid career adults has identified several ideal fits for every client, no matter how educated or how old.
Copyright © 2003 John Bradley.
Copyright © 2003 John Bradley
How do I discover what I'm good at?
I remember a meeting in my office when the visitor, an engineer, looked at me and said, "I'm 45 and I still don't know what I should be when I grow up." Although he attempted to laugh as if it were a joke, I affirmed him. I said that I have heard that very statement from many adults who are finally being honest. This honesty then indicates a readiness to do something significant with one's life before it is too late. Let me briefly comment on this person's dilemma and then give some words of advice. There are two myths that I have found confuse one's ability to make a logical choice regarding one's life work.
First is the illusion that we can set our minds to do just about anything we set our minds to do. This viewpoint unfortunately has crept into most of our schools and universities. It is the positive mental attitude perspective. All we need is motivation, training and education. Surprisingly, this myth does work for a while, especially for young adults. However, somewhere at around 30 35 years of age the hype wears off if there is no intuitive talent to keep the career advancing. Slow promotions, loss of challenge, major mistakes or accidents increase. A job will go from bad to worse if the core duties do not match our innate talents. Natural talents are the heart of career satisfaction and ultimate success; and each of us have enough for more than one career.
A second myth is that one's passion is a result of one's innate aptitudes. I have way too many client files that prove otherwise. I well remember a client who was very motivated to sell stocks and securities. He researched the field thoroughly. He purchased an expensive wardrobe of suits, shoes and shirts. Initially I had warned him that this was a sales type of position and that it didn't appear to best fit his aptitudes. He was not to be deterred. He felt the training he would receive would overcome any of his limitations.
When it came time for him to begin calling brokerage firms to set up job interview appointments, his motivation came to a halt. He wasn't able to get one appointment. His tremendous passion was not able to overcome the lack of sales aptitude even with the telephone call scripting and personal coaching I provided for him. This middle aged man definitely had natural talent strengths, but selling for brokerage firms was not a good fit. His tenacity was to be commended. His wisdom in decision making however, was lacking.
So let's consider some positive action steps.
Step One: Know the difference between your learned skills, your motivation and your innate skills. To really find the ideal career, it should represent something you are motivated to pursue (your interests and your values). Secondly, the ideal career should represent your innate skills, your talents. It is your talents that intuitively will understand the job and seek to grow through intuitive trial and error. Selecting a new career because it fits your education or past work experience (learned skills) will not necessarily provide for a best fit.
Step Two: Know what a good fit looks like. Too many people are out looking for the perfect career, but they don't know what to look for. Begin by identifying a job that you know something about, within a preferred organization (Step One). Ask to meet with someone who is in that position in a preferred organization. My clients have been performing these informational interviews for 25 years with very positive results. Busy people will take their time to meet with you if they sense that you are serious and will listen to their advice. In case this step of sorting out the job position is too difficult, there are aptitude assessments and career-matching services that can help you determine your innate strengths and match these to best career options.
Step Three: The Job Search. It is important to understand that the majority of jobs (80%) are filled before they ever become a posted vacancy on the Internet or in the paper. Most positions are filled by word of mouth, an employee referral or by internal promotions. To be successful in getting hired for that ideal career, seek the coaching of two or three people who are in the position you want. Ask them what they suggest you do. What is the inside track? Even Federal and State government agencies have a "hidden" inside track. Yes, there are professionals who can help you plan and put into action a job search campaign. You can find some in your yellow pages under career guidance services. With all of this information, you have a big head start. The most important concept, however, is to believe that there really is something out there with your name on it. I can testify that my 30 years of helping mid career adults has identified several ideal fits for every client, no matter how educated or how old.
Copyright © 2003 John Bradley.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Reading
Here is an amusing take on Reading by the executive editor of The Indian Express, Raj Kamal Jha, while being interviewed by The Hindu correspondent on his latest novel Fireproof (based on the Gujarat riots). On being quizzed "At a book discussion once, you said it was unrealistic to expect many people to read. Why?"
He replies, "See, the few people who are damaged enough to love reading are essentially those who are comfortable with solitude. Also, reading forces you to have both imagination and empathy - two troubling things - so you see a bit of yourself in anything you read. And to expect all of us to be like that is ridiculous."
He replies, "See, the few people who are damaged enough to love reading are essentially those who are comfortable with solitude. Also, reading forces you to have both imagination and empathy - two troubling things - so you see a bit of yourself in anything you read. And to expect all of us to be like that is ridiculous."
Sunday, December 03, 2006
An empty feeling
One was badly bogged down by an intense empty feeling one of these days, before he ended up staring at a googled page, set-up by some SOON Ministries. Some of the material looked interesting, especially the questions, if not the answers. A part of the write-up went thus...
'The Big Needs: Many have tried to find real meaning for their lives, in a hundred different ways. Others have given up, and said, "There is no answer, there is no meaning." But for our lives to have meaning and purpose, we must find answers. A solution is needed that can answer each of my problems, something that really works.
1. I need something that can help me handle life better
2. I need a new power to stop doing things I know are bad for me and others
3. I need strength to act in a new way
4. I need some way of dealing with my past - the hurtful things that have happened to me, and the things I realise now I did wrong, that have hurt me or others
5. I need real answers to the purpose of life - why I am here, and what is my life for
6. I need something for that space in my life that nothing else has filled
7. I need friendship in my life - a trustworthy relationship so that I am never alone
8. I need a way of taking important life decisions
9. I need something to take away fear - fear of the past, the future, bad luck, ancestors, spirits, death - all those things we try to forget.
We have found such a solution. We have found the missing piece of the jigsaw that makes everything else fit together. We ask you to consider the solution. It may not seem believable to you at first. You may feel that it cannot be for you.
The Big Answer, is this:
1. There is a creator God - He made everything for a purpose
2. He is a real person, not just sort of power or force in the world
3. It is possible to find Him and know Him
4. He has made a way for this to happen
5. He sent Jesus to live on the earth, to show us what God is like
6. He loves you more than you can imagine
7. He has a plan for your own life '
More on this can be found in the link that I've listed in the 'links' section on the side bar.
'The Big Needs: Many have tried to find real meaning for their lives, in a hundred different ways. Others have given up, and said, "There is no answer, there is no meaning." But for our lives to have meaning and purpose, we must find answers. A solution is needed that can answer each of my problems, something that really works.
1. I need something that can help me handle life better
2. I need a new power to stop doing things I know are bad for me and others
3. I need strength to act in a new way
4. I need some way of dealing with my past - the hurtful things that have happened to me, and the things I realise now I did wrong, that have hurt me or others
5. I need real answers to the purpose of life - why I am here, and what is my life for
6. I need something for that space in my life that nothing else has filled
7. I need friendship in my life - a trustworthy relationship so that I am never alone
8. I need a way of taking important life decisions
9. I need something to take away fear - fear of the past, the future, bad luck, ancestors, spirits, death - all those things we try to forget.
We have found such a solution. We have found the missing piece of the jigsaw that makes everything else fit together. We ask you to consider the solution. It may not seem believable to you at first. You may feel that it cannot be for you.
The Big Answer, is this:
1. There is a creator God - He made everything for a purpose
2. He is a real person, not just sort of power or force in the world
3. It is possible to find Him and know Him
4. He has made a way for this to happen
5. He sent Jesus to live on the earth, to show us what God is like
6. He loves you more than you can imagine
7. He has a plan for your own life '
More on this can be found in the link that I've listed in the 'links' section on the side bar.
Monday, November 27, 2006
A sane advice
Here is a little excerpt from an interesting article, written by Vijayalakshmi Pandit (one of Jawaharlal Nehru's sisters) in 1955, that I found in the Reader's Digest of November 2006.
' The best advice I ever had came from one of the greatest souls the world has ever known - Mahatma Gandhi - on a sunny afternoon a decade ago. Most people pass through a period of anguish when their belief in humanity is at a low ebb. I was in such a period. My husband had recently died. My deep sorrow over his loss was followed by the humiliating realization that in the eyes of Indian law I had no individual existence. Along with other Indian women I participated for years with men in the national struggle for freedom, working and suffering side by side with them until it had finally been achieved - yet in law we women were still recognized only through our relationship to men.
Now as a widow without a son, I was not entitled to any share of the family property, nor were my two daughters. I resented this galling position. I was bitter towards those members of my family who supported this antiquated law.
At this time I went to pay my respects to Gandhiji and say good-bye before leaving for America to take part in a conference. After our talk he asked, "Have you made peace with your relatives?"
I was amazed that he would take sides against me. "I have not quarrelled with anyone," I replied, "but I refuse to have anything to do with those who take advantage of an outworn law to create a difficult and humiliating situation for me."
Gandhiji looked out of the window for a moment. Then he turned to me and smiled and said, "You will go and say good-bye because courtesy and decency demand this. In India, we still attach importance to these things."
"No," I declared, "not even to please you will I go to those who wish to harm me."
"No one can harm you except yourself," he said, still smiling. "I see enough bitterness in your heart to cause you injury unless you check it." I remained silent, and he continued: "You are going to a new country because you are unhappy and want to escape. Can you escape from yourself? Will you find happiness outside when there is bitterness in your heart? Think it over. Be a little humble. You have lost a loved one - that is sorrow enough. Must you inflict further injury on yourself because you lack courage to cleanse your own heart?" '
I was wondering when I read this article, that those letters in blue above is so typical of my attitude in general. And the gist of the advice from Gandhiji matches so well with what we read from The Holy Bible (Old Testament, Leviticus 19:17-18), "You must not hate your fellow citizen in your heart. If your neighbour does something wrong tell him about it, or you will be partly to blame. Forget about the wrong things people do to you, and do not try to get even. Love your neighbour as you love yourself. I am the LORD."
And again, Jesus says in the New Testament (Mathew 5:43-48), "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbour and hate your enemies.' But I say to you, love your enemies. Pray for those who hurt you. If you do this, you will be true children of your Father in heaven. He causes the sun to rise on good people and on evil people, and he sends rain to those who do right and to those who do wrong. If you love only the people who love you, you will get no reward. Even the tax collectors do that. And if you are nice only to your friends, you are no better than other people. Even those who don't know God are nice to their friends. So you must be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect."
' The best advice I ever had came from one of the greatest souls the world has ever known - Mahatma Gandhi - on a sunny afternoon a decade ago. Most people pass through a period of anguish when their belief in humanity is at a low ebb. I was in such a period. My husband had recently died. My deep sorrow over his loss was followed by the humiliating realization that in the eyes of Indian law I had no individual existence. Along with other Indian women I participated for years with men in the national struggle for freedom, working and suffering side by side with them until it had finally been achieved - yet in law we women were still recognized only through our relationship to men.
Now as a widow without a son, I was not entitled to any share of the family property, nor were my two daughters. I resented this galling position. I was bitter towards those members of my family who supported this antiquated law.
At this time I went to pay my respects to Gandhiji and say good-bye before leaving for America to take part in a conference. After our talk he asked, "Have you made peace with your relatives?"
I was amazed that he would take sides against me. "I have not quarrelled with anyone," I replied, "but I refuse to have anything to do with those who take advantage of an outworn law to create a difficult and humiliating situation for me."
Gandhiji looked out of the window for a moment. Then he turned to me and smiled and said, "You will go and say good-bye because courtesy and decency demand this. In India, we still attach importance to these things."
"No," I declared, "not even to please you will I go to those who wish to harm me."
"No one can harm you except yourself," he said, still smiling. "I see enough bitterness in your heart to cause you injury unless you check it." I remained silent, and he continued: "You are going to a new country because you are unhappy and want to escape. Can you escape from yourself? Will you find happiness outside when there is bitterness in your heart? Think it over. Be a little humble. You have lost a loved one - that is sorrow enough. Must you inflict further injury on yourself because you lack courage to cleanse your own heart?" '
I was wondering when I read this article, that those letters in blue above is so typical of my attitude in general. And the gist of the advice from Gandhiji matches so well with what we read from The Holy Bible (Old Testament, Leviticus 19:17-18), "You must not hate your fellow citizen in your heart. If your neighbour does something wrong tell him about it, or you will be partly to blame. Forget about the wrong things people do to you, and do not try to get even. Love your neighbour as you love yourself. I am the LORD."
And again, Jesus says in the New Testament (Mathew 5:43-48), "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbour and hate your enemies.' But I say to you, love your enemies. Pray for those who hurt you. If you do this, you will be true children of your Father in heaven. He causes the sun to rise on good people and on evil people, and he sends rain to those who do right and to those who do wrong. If you love only the people who love you, you will get no reward. Even the tax collectors do that. And if you are nice only to your friends, you are no better than other people. Even those who don't know God are nice to their friends. So you must be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect."
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
WHO Life Skills, 1993
1. The ability to make decisions helps students assess their options and carefully consider the different consequences that can result from their choices.
2. The ability to solve problems helps students find constructive solutions to their problems. This skill can significantly reduce anxiety.
3. The capacity to think creatively is essential to decision making and problem solving. It enables students to explore all possible alternatives together with their consequences. It helps students look beyond their personal experience.
4. The capacity to think critically helps students objectively analyze available information along with their own experiences. It is this ability that helps students recognize the factors that influence their behavior, such as societal values, peer influence, and influence of the mass media.
5. The ability to communicate effectively helps students to express their feelings, needs, and ideas to others—verbally or otherwise.
6. The ability to establish and maintain interpersonal relations helps students to interact positively with people whom they encounter daily, especially family members.
7. Knowledge of self is the capacity of students to know who they are, what they want and do not want, and what does and does not please them. It also helps students recognize stressful situations.
8. The capacity to feel empathy is the ability to imagine what life is like for another person in a very different situation. It helps students to understand and accept diversity, and it improves interpersonal relations between diverse individuals.
9. The ability to handle emotions enables students to recognize their emotions and how they influence their behavior. It is especially important to learn how to handle difficult emotions such as violence and anger, which can negatively influence health.
10. The ability to handle tension and stress is a simple recognition by students of the things in life causing them stress.
2. The ability to solve problems helps students find constructive solutions to their problems. This skill can significantly reduce anxiety.
3. The capacity to think creatively is essential to decision making and problem solving. It enables students to explore all possible alternatives together with their consequences. It helps students look beyond their personal experience.
4. The capacity to think critically helps students objectively analyze available information along with their own experiences. It is this ability that helps students recognize the factors that influence their behavior, such as societal values, peer influence, and influence of the mass media.
5. The ability to communicate effectively helps students to express their feelings, needs, and ideas to others—verbally or otherwise.
6. The ability to establish and maintain interpersonal relations helps students to interact positively with people whom they encounter daily, especially family members.
7. Knowledge of self is the capacity of students to know who they are, what they want and do not want, and what does and does not please them. It also helps students recognize stressful situations.
8. The capacity to feel empathy is the ability to imagine what life is like for another person in a very different situation. It helps students to understand and accept diversity, and it improves interpersonal relations between diverse individuals.
9. The ability to handle emotions enables students to recognize their emotions and how they influence their behavior. It is especially important to learn how to handle difficult emotions such as violence and anger, which can negatively influence health.
10. The ability to handle tension and stress is a simple recognition by students of the things in life causing them stress.
Friday, November 10, 2006
Rise 'N shine, Sleepyhead!
Up until our teens and maybe even to the early 20s, sleep is not something we readily got into (i'm sure many would agree with me on this). We would need a stern word from our parents before we sent ourselves to the bunkers, away from an interesting show on tv or an engrossing book! Even the so-called 'good habit' of an afternoon nap on weekends was not one of our perferred activities; there was always too much to accomplish! ;)
We could stay up most of the night reading a gripping Agatha Christie or another volume of the Three Investigators, or one of those late night movies/ shows, perhaps, and get on with school/ college without the slightest fatigue or strain. This continued to be the scenario even after we got into work...when our opportunities to discover life (and ourselves?) only expanded!
But as the years go by, we seem to have become less and less capable of such feats...staying up late isn't as effortless as it used to be. But it isn't so much the staying up that kills; it is the next day back at work - it's tiring and stressful - our head feels heavy and we are not able to put in our best! We tend to wonder what has changed; the energy we had seems to have vanished. We might even begin to worry if we are becoming so nonchalant that we lose our flair for having fun!
At this juncture, it might be worthwhile to ask ourselves one question - is our body trying to tell us something here? A friend of mine noted wisely that it could be the irreversible, yet unavoidable process of ageing setting in, and we would be better off accepting it! But haven't we been taught that growing old is more in the mind, and we stay as young as we feel? But again, is this really true?! Or rather, does this hold true in every sense?! ;)
Is it possible that we can have our regular dose of hobbies and fun, being careful not to compromise on our requisite sleep and rest, thereby, being able to start each day feeling fresh and charged? Definitely a million-dollar question?!
But alas, as with all our discussions, we are yet to solve this one...
We could stay up most of the night reading a gripping Agatha Christie or another volume of the Three Investigators, or one of those late night movies/ shows, perhaps, and get on with school/ college without the slightest fatigue or strain. This continued to be the scenario even after we got into work...when our opportunities to discover life (and ourselves?) only expanded!
But as the years go by, we seem to have become less and less capable of such feats...staying up late isn't as effortless as it used to be. But it isn't so much the staying up that kills; it is the next day back at work - it's tiring and stressful - our head feels heavy and we are not able to put in our best! We tend to wonder what has changed; the energy we had seems to have vanished. We might even begin to worry if we are becoming so nonchalant that we lose our flair for having fun!
At this juncture, it might be worthwhile to ask ourselves one question - is our body trying to tell us something here? A friend of mine noted wisely that it could be the irreversible, yet unavoidable process of ageing setting in, and we would be better off accepting it! But haven't we been taught that growing old is more in the mind, and we stay as young as we feel? But again, is this really true?! Or rather, does this hold true in every sense?! ;)
Is it possible that we can have our regular dose of hobbies and fun, being careful not to compromise on our requisite sleep and rest, thereby, being able to start each day feeling fresh and charged? Definitely a million-dollar question?!
But alas, as with all our discussions, we are yet to solve this one...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
